Bedtime For My Baby

As a woman, I believe in freedom, spontaneity and flexibility. As a mother, I believe in structure and routines. I've seen first hand what it means to my daughter to have these routines. It gives her a sense of security, as well as some control and independence, knowing what is expected of her and what she can expect from me. Now I'm not saying there aren't some variations through out the day, there are. Even if I wanted everything to go a certain way every day, it wouldn't. That's life. One of my favorite parts these days actually...But when it comes to things like bedtime, I've been pretty rigid about following a certain pattern and timeline. Of course that pattern has evolved somewhat over the last three years as my daughter has grown. No doubt it will continue to change as she gets older. At this point in time, we've got the routine down pat. It works well for both of us and it can be adjusted as needed. Here's how it goes - We do dinner around 6pm. Usually my daughter rushes through her meal in anticipation of her favorite part of bedtime, which is bath time! I like to give her plenty of time to splash around and play before we get down to the business of actually washing. After her bath, she gets into her PJ's, which she gets to pick out. Then it's time for a bedtime snack while she watches a little TV ( these days there are frequent requests for Beauty and the Beast or Finding Nemo). Bedtime Snack is always fruit of some sort and I like to give her a couple of choices to pick from. If I can't do that, I like to work the "it's a surprise" angle which is generally well received. Once the snack is gone, it's time to brush those little teeth. Usually she likes to put the toothpaste on the toothbrush herself, and she likes to remind me of that by yelling it during her run down the hall to the bathroom. Finally we get settled into bed, where she works me over pretty good in regard to the amount of books we read. A while back I realized that she generally falls asleep during book number two, so agreeing to read 4 books doesn't make me as big of a sucker as I may sound...Before we read, we make two bedtime calls - 1st to grandma and grandpa and 2nd to Daddy. She chats for a few minutes with everyone and then it's story time. Which as I already mentioned, generally leads to the Z's. Sometimes for both of us. Anyway, it works out that way most nights. No matter what our routine has been over the years, I have been surprisingly comfortable and even grateful for this previously foreign thing to me called "structure". It's good for her, and it's also good for me. Sometimes there are days when you are exhausted and at the end of your rope, on the verge of a nervous breakdown. On those days especially it's nice to know exactly how many hours of 'mommy' you have left before you get to sit on the couch and relax and get comfortable with your own thoughts. Every once in a while you do get a night, where inspite of the best laid plans and the most solid routine...things still turn out...unexpected. I remember this one night in particular about a year and a half ago.... "Just checked in on my daughter and she is sleeping soundly. Tonight Bedtime went down without a hitch, nice and easy. Bath time, bedtime snack, brush teeth and we rock a little. Two songs into rocking and she was out like a light, just how Momma likes it! Last night on the other hand, not so much...same routine- different outcome! I was half an hour into rocking and getting nowhere. Every time I thought she was drifting off, her head would pop right up just to let me know that I was wrong, so wrong. Finally she dozed off enough for me to sit down ( while still holding her - have to make sure she's really out before I put her down) and just as I feel my body relaxing and my back aching a little less, her head pops up yet again. And it's back to rocking. A little while later I try sitting again only to have my husband come home from work moments later which in turn wakes her up once more. At this point I've been doing bedtime for well over an hour, and I am sooo ready for bed myself, but instead, we rock some more. A little while goes by and finally her head is resting on my chest and I am sure that this is finally it, when out of nowhere her head pops up once more, only this time with her hand to her ear and a quiet "hello?". Yes, that's right...she got a phone call."

 

Wisdom Of Experience

It occurs to me, that tonight may be a bad night to write, as I am

feeling rather defeated and small...invisible. My thirtieth Birthday

is right around the corner, and truth be told, I'm not where I thought

I would be at this stage in my life...but in spite of the various

obstacles in my path, I am looking forward to where I'm going.

As I put the past behind me and say good-bye to my twenties, I can't

help but acknowledge the many changes my heart and my head have

undergone. Ten years ago, I hoped for nothing more but to fall in

love and get married...now, after having been married, I realize that

who I thought I was and what I thought I wanted, were all wrong. Who

I am and what I want, unfortunately have nothing to do with marriage

at all. In my twenties I wanted a husband, for my thirties I look

forward to my freedom with the option of a boy toy, preferably in his

twenties.

I was convinced most of my young adult life, that motherhood was not

for me. Maternal feelings were foreign to me. Babies didn't make me

want to ooh and ah, they made me roll my eyes and panic if God

forbid, someone tried to make me hold one. Needless to say, when the

day came that I had to pee on that magical stick, it was a bit of a

shock to my system to see the word "pregnant" flash across that tiny

screen. It's a good thing pregnancy lasts nine months, because that's

about how long it took me to get used to the idea. Even after giving

birth, the only word I could think of to describe the whole

experience was surreal. The moment I actually held her in my arms,

everything changed. It was real. I may not have believed that I was

ever meant to be a mother, but I can say without a doubt, from the

bottom of my heart, the very core of my being - I was meant to be HER

mother. In the end, it's turned out to be the one thing I really know

for sure about myself.

Some people that have known me over the last decade, may argue that 

I am a bit of a commitment phobe. Reviewing my choices to move

every six months, my attraction to men who prefer to stay

unattached and my track record with jobs, I suppose there may be 

some truth to that. Although it's probably less of a fear of commitment

and more a fear of disappointment. It takes about six months to get to

know people. After that, you have to start to look below the surface,

see beyond the superficial and the sad truth is, that often I don't like

what I see...so moving always seemed like a good way to avoid that.

Leave on a high note where everyone is still wonderful and fun. The

thing with men is no less of a self-preservation thing. I always want

the unattainable because it's safest. No chance of actual feelings and

actual heartbreak. The job thing isn't so deep. They're jobs. That's

all. I bartend, I wait tables...it pays the bills, but it does

nothing for my soul. There's the third thing I learned about myself,

I'm a writer. Not in theory, but an actual writer. Published. The

real deal. I repeat it not for your sake, but to remind myself.

Sometimes we need to do that, bring the dream into reality. Say it

out loud to make it real. I don't know why it's so hard for us to

believe that the things we want most in life are actually possible.

Maybe I'll figure that one out by the time I'm forty.

In the mean time I guess it's enough to know what I know. So as I

look toward the next stage of my life and leave that last chapter

behind me, I also look forward to my new outlook as the 'grown-up' me.

In my twenties I thought I knew everything, now I know that I knew

nothing.

I believed that love could conquer all and was always enough. That's

true for your children, not for your partner.

My judgement in men sucks. I cannot be trusted. From now on, I'm

letting others pick for me...

Marriage is all about compromise. I hate to compromise.

I am both bitter and naive. It's an odd combination. I believe the

worst about people, but I'm still stunned when I find out I'm right.

What I lack in my romantic relationships, I make up for in the

relationships with my fellow female people. The women who were

closest to me ten years ago, are still here today. In my corner, in

my life and always in my heart.

I trust too easily. It's a real problem. I'll probably keep that one

though...

I spent the first half of my twenties building my life, and the

second half ripping it to shreds. Now it's time to rebuild. Stronger.

Better. In my twenties I believed in possibilities I wasn't ready to

pursue. I'm ready now.

So when I blow out those candles, I won't be making a wish this year.

I'll be making a promise. To myself, my mother and my daughter. To be

the woman my daughter needs me to be and my mother always

believed I already was.

I Am WOMAN, Watch Me SOAR

Since the beginning of time, men have been trying to undermine women.  I mean, look at who they blamed in the whole apple debacle...not the snake. Most women grow up trying to find every possible way to become pleasing to men. We want to look good, smell good and act in a way that is appealing to the opposite sex. We go to all sorts of lengths to make this happen, including hours at the salon, wearing clothes that are neither comfortable nor practical, and sometimes we really lose our minds and undergo body altering surgeries.  No matter what, the approval we seek remains elusive. In the end, our emotions always land us on the cons side of the pros and cons list.  We cry and they call us weak.  We are tough and they call us butch.  We really can't win.  Why should we want to?

Women are amazing creatures. We nurture. We love unconditionally (even when it's not deserved).  We fight for those who are weak. We see the beauty in strength and the strength in vulnerability. We sacrifice, and we do it without being asked and without giving up. We are selfless when it comes to the ones we love, especially our children. We eat last and usually our dinner is cold, but we don't care because we didn't cook for ourselves, we cooked for others. We sleep when there's time and when there's not, we just don't.

How often do we send around emails reminding us to celebrate just how remarkable we truly are? We are each others constant support system, trying to overcome and undue the damage we let men do to our psyche and emotional well being. Well, I for one am done. So this is to all the men out there who have crossed my path or may sometime in the future - If you find me so controlling, bitchy, stupid, emotional, needy, crazy and annoying then F**K OFF! Quite frankly, I'm not that impressed by you either.

I'm outta here...

Cookies Cookies Cookies

Now I know I'm usually an advocate for eating healthy...but I'm no
saint and I have a sweet tooth that can be matched by few and
satisfied by nothing less than sugar perfection. And if chocolate is
involved, well that just makes it so much better!

Over the last few years I took my obsession with sugar to a whole new
level. Instead of just settling for store bought goodies, I started
making up my own cookie recipes. My mother started me on delicious
chocolate mint and chocolate caramels and I loved them...so much so,
that I wanted more! I explored every flavor from cornbread to red
velvet and I found that there was a perfect concoction to match every
one of my cravings. And I am willing to bet, there's a perfect cookie
in our collection for every sweet tooth out there!

If you want melt in your mouth 'cinnamon dreams', crunchy and creamy
'peanut clusters' or delectable 'Smores' you can have them! All of
the recipes are as easy on the wallet as they are to make. In less
than 15 minutes you could have 'hot out of the oven- goes perfect
with a tall glass of milk' cookies!

Now, for a while, my mother and I went around baking up a storm,
sharing the cookies with friends, family and yes, even
strangers...but we can't reach everyone, and so we thought that this
would be easier. After all, these cookies are just too good not to
share :)

Proper Playground Etiquette

As a stay at home mom with a Toddler, more often than not I find myself at the playground.  And why not?!  It's a great place for the tots to get some exercise and also ( and perhaps more importantly ) a chance for them to practice their budding social skills. However, for me, it's not always fun and games at the park.  While my little one is running around and having a ball, I am chasing after her, making sure she is safe and also reminding her of certain rules....

For instance -

You need to use the stairs!  Just because you saw some big kids climbing up the slide doesn't mean you have to copy them.  For you, the slide is a way to go DOWN not UP.

Wait your turn.  I know you are faster than some of the other kids, but just because it takes you half the time to get up the stairs, does not mean you get to go down the slide twice as often.  Patience is a virtue...granted not one most two year olds possess, but it's a virtue none the less.

DO NOT run out in front of other children while they are swinging.  As far away as they may seem at certain times, they will be close enough to take you out in one swift motion in a matter of seconds.

Oh yes, and let's not forget to not pick up everyone that is smaller than you.  They may look little and cute, but honey so do you. That half an inch you got over them is not enough to pick them up and carry them around like your new favorite dolly. Also, they tend to cry when you try to....

That's the general routine.  Add to that the small attempts I make to socialize with other moms in between maneuvering my daughter and I am busy, busy, busy.  It also doesn't help my stress level that my kid tends to lean towards children that are older than her.  For some reason children her own age or younger just don't hold her interest for very long.  In general I wouldn't have a problem with this, except of course, for the fact that at 2 1/2 she is not as coordinated as a 4 or 5 year old is.  Unfortunately, that slows her down about as much as it speeds my heart rate up. So, I watch and try not to hover as she tears through the place, running and jumping and climbing just as fast as her two little feet will carry her.

On occasion I have also found that the older children she's so fond of, also tend to be a bit controlling, sometimes even bully-ish.  That has been challenging for the both of us.  She gets confused and doesn't understand why someone is being mean and I get hurt and wonder what I should be teaching my baby.  One day a little boy took her stuffed animal ( it goes everywhere she goes) and held it hostage.  When she came to me, I told her to say please and ask for it back. When that didn't work, I went to get it from him myself.  He proceeded to hurl her little toy up into the air and across the park.  My daughter was in tears and I wanted to shove that little snot into the ground...but I can't teach my kid that.  Thankfully, his mother was right there and once aware of the situation, handled it immediately. But, what do I do in the future?  What if the next bully has a mom who is completely oblivious?  What if the next time, I'm not even there and she's at preschool? I want to teach her to be strong and to defend herself, but how do I do that without turning her into a bully as well?  For now I guess I will settle for working on her communication skills.  If talking to the bully doesn't work, at least she can come and talk to me or a teacher and then it will be up to a grown up to handle things...and if need be - shove someone into the ground.

Things YOU Should Know Before Eating OUT

Having spent the last 10 years in the hospitality industry, I have encountered a lot of things I never knew about restaurants and how they run.  For instance, on Sundays when business is slow don't be surprised to find the kitchen missing a dishwasher...crazy as it seems, I have worked plenty of places where EVERYONE has to help out and pick up the slack and do the dishes.  Everyone, meaning the servers mostly.  This can easily explain why you may find yourself waiting 10 minutes for an ice tea you expected to be sipping moments after you ordered it. Allow me to walk you through it...You order your beverage, your server returns to the drink station only to find that nobody has stocked clean glasses.  So, he or she hurries back to the kitchen in hopes of finding a clean glass rack just waiting to be brought out, instead they find several racks of DIRTY glasses and an empty dish pit.  They quickly run the glasses through the machine and run back out to the drink station to get back to your ice tea.  At this point of course, the glasses are piping hot and your ice tea is less icy and more luke warm, so your server is frantically trying to chill the glass and keep your tea from getting watered down.  Finally you get your beverage, and rather than being grateful for everything that went into this one glass of ice tea, you are annoyed and make comments to your fellow dining associates about how slow, and possibly stupid, your waiter is.  And you wonder why we
 joke about spitting in your drinks... .


So, here's some helpful hints for practicing proper dining out etiquette in the future -

                              
 

When you walk in through the front doors and you are greeted by the hostess, let her know if you have a table preference.  Don't wait until you get to your table to ask for a booth.  This may lead to you getting a dirty table, sitting in a section that is closed and no longer has a server or sitting in a section where the server is so busy it will be a long time before they even notice you are sitting there.  The truth is, that whole restaurant rises and falls with how the host or hostess does their job.  If they don't rotate the servers, servers become overloaded and fall behind, providing you with bad service.  Also, it's their job to keep a nice pace going so that the kitchen can keep up, because once the kitchen gets buried, it's all downhill from there.  So, as simple as it may seem to point at a table and say 'I want that one'- it's not.  If it were, they wouldn't need the hostess.

 
Tipping is not optional.  If you cannot afford to tip, go to McDonald's.  The standard for good service is 20%, if your service was adequate it's OK to lean towards 15%.  If you are leaving a 10% tip I have to assume that the service was either horrible or you are an ignorant jackass.  More often than not, it's the latter.  Server's make less than minimum wage, most of which goes to taxes and therefore we rarely actually see a paycheck.  What you tip is what we make, it's the industry.  If you want to be pissed about having to tip, be pissed, but don't take it out on us, we are simply doing our jobs...and we expect to get paid for it just as you do for yours.



DO NOT ask me to make sure your food is hot before I bring it out to you.  The only way I can be sure is if I stick my finger in it...is that really what you want?  No, you want me to bring it to you assuming it's fine, then when it's not, you can tell me and I will gladly re-heat it or bring you something new.



A lot of servers don't write the orders down.  Don't question it.  It's not that we are geniuses, it's just that we know that menu inside and out and we know what we can handle.  Worst case scenario if I forget an order, I glance back over at you or possibly scan the menu, trust me, it always comes right back. 


IF you get your food and find that something is wrong and it's not the way you ordered it, please, do not jump to conclusions.  Believe it or not, I have seen many food tickets go to the cook, who didn't read it properly, then go to the expo (the person who adds the finishing touches and puts together each table's orders) who reads it wrong and then it may even go to the food runner, who checks the food and compares it to the order and STILL they don't get it right.  Let's review, the server took your order and then sent it to the kitchen CORRECTLY and then 3 other people screwed up.  See why you can't always blame it on your waiter?

Last, but not least, be kind to your server.  We are people just like you, and we deserve your respect.  We may be waiting on you, but we are in no way beneath you.  And while I personally haven't seen anyone spit in a drink or put hair in someone's food....I would never say never... .   
 

3 A Day Of Dairy - Hold The Artificial Hormone, Please!

Recently, my family and I have moved across country, and while I love my new residence, I was somewhat disappointed when it came time for my first trip to the local grocery store.  It turns out, that most of the brands I'm used to buying aren't available here.  I carefully examined every label of every item of dairy and found very little to work with!  When I consulted some of the employees, they were of little to no help...and I ended up leaving without some of the key items I was shopping for.  Instead I headed home and have found myself glued to the computer screen, in hopes of finding some brands that pledge not to use milk that was produced using artificial hormones, ever since.  I haven't found nearly as much information as I was hoping for, so my search will no doubt continue, but here's what I've come up with so far...

In terms of milk the choices are actually quite abundant.  It seems that in the last couple of years a lot of major brands and grocery stores have hopped on the ban wagon and are now selling milk from cows that have not been treated with rBST.  Here are a few examples -

Wal-Mart
Safeway (Lucerne)
Publix
Kroger's
Food Lion
Berkeley
Crystal
Dairygold
(The last three also offer heavy whipping cream and half&half)

Next we have yogurt.  At first I was afraid that things weren't looking very good, but then I stumbled across the fact that two huge yogurt companies are now banning artificial hormones due to the increasing demand! From what I have seen, they haven't put anything on their labels yet, but the change is rather recent, so it may still be in the works...never the less, you can feel comfortable buying any of these products-

Yoplait
Dannon
Tillamook
Brown Cow
Stonyfield
Nancy's Cultured Dairy and Soy
Cascade Fresh
Dairygold

I am sad to say, that cheese without rBST seems to be a little harder to find.  A lot of the big brand names don't seem to be on board with the changes yet, but I am hoping that will happen soon!  Kraft is headed in that direction with their first line of natural cheeses.  Look for these specifically -

Kraft Natural Cheese made with 2% Milk
Tillamook
Whole Foods 365
Berner Natural Cheese
Nancy's Cultured Dairy and Soy

Let's not forget about Sour Cream ( one of my daughter's faves!- Hey, you can't have a quesadilla without it!)  We are in luck since some of the most common brands are already going artificial hormone free!

Daisy ( also look for Cottage Cheese)
Dairygold
Tillamook

Another common dairy product is butter. I almost forgot about it in my research (oops!), but at the end I remembered...

Tillamook
Challenge
Dairygold

Ah, yes, the one I would never forget - Ice Cream! I wish I had more names than I do for this one, but as of right now, this is all I have come up with -

Umpqua
Ben and Jerry's
Lovin' Scoopful
Tillamook

On the upside, all of those ice creams are delicious - when you can find them.  In the mean time, be sure to check your favorite flavor and brand.  If they aren't using milk without artificial hormones to make their ice cream yet, write them!  Tell them that it matters to you. Hey, it worked with the yogurt!

Here's a few extra tidbits that I found interesting - Starbucks is using only rBST free milk in their coffees and Chipotle Mexican Grill has pledged to only serve hormone free sour cream!

I know we still have quite a ways to go, but I really feel that as consumer awareness grows and the demand for healthier products gets greater, the companies supplying our food will have to change and provide us with a product that we are willing to buy and then feed to our families! So, keep checking your labels and don't compromise on what you spend your money on.  We have every right to expect our food to nourish our bodies, not harm them!

Things I've Learned This Week...;)

Well, it's the night before the big Moving Day and I am exhausted! It has been a long and stressful week and I am ready to hit the open road and make my way across country, but before I do..let's review the things I've learned this week -



Dogs, cats and Toddlers all handle the anxiety of moving differently. The dogs ( who are very used to moving and road trips - they've been with us a long time!) saw the boxes and the return of the camper shell on top of the truck bed, loaded up...and pretty much haven't gotten out since. It's been two days and we have had to force them to come in at night, take them with us when we run errands and bring their food and water up to the bed of the truck - THEY WON'T COME OUT! They know we are leaving and they will NOT be left behind!


The cats have taken a very sullen and quiet approach. While you would expect them to play and have a hay day with all the boxes and packing paper, they have instead opted to be very silent and next to non - existent. Usually we would have to watch them around open doors ( indoor cats - outdoor dogs), these days we have had all the doors wide open and the cats just lay there in the middle of the semi-empty rooms, making NO attempt to wander outside...you know what they say, curiosity killed the cat...or got it lost right before moving day- well not these guys!


Oh, my toddler...my sweet little tinker tot. While all the adults have wanted to throw themselves on the floor, kicking and screaming and having an all out fit...she's the only one who's actually been able to get away with it...a lot! I'm giving her a free pass this week...once we get to where we are going, it's another story. Terrible Two's or not, this is BEYOND what I can accept.


Lesson number 2. Craig's List is a wonderful and profitable way to get rid of the stuff you don't want to move! It's also a nice way to increase the amount of spam in your inbox...

Yard Sales, not so wonderful and less profitable...it was my first go around and I was surprised to find that a steal really is a STEAL! Seriously, $2.00?! That's what people were expecting to pay?! Maybe if I was getting rid of CRAP...but I don't sell crap. I simply throw it out.


On to number 3. There is NO good way to clean a Fridge. Even if you think that you keep it wiped out and fairly clean, you may be surprised to find, that once it has been emptied, the words that come to mind are BIO- HAZARD. There's always something way in the back that never gets used, but somehow causes a spill, which naturally makes its way down to the very bottom of your fridge. That is where it stays and grows things, all the while remaining nicely hidden by the two drawers located at the bottom to keep things like your meats and produce. Mmm, Yummy. Oh, and let's not forget that random bowl of leftovers that started out front and center, where it could be seen and eaten, but then slowly, but surely made it's way to the back bottom corner. Where it remained for weeks ( maybe months) never to be seen or heard of again...until today, that is.

Now, once you have gotten rid of all the yuckies and the totally disgusting, it's time to rinse. Have you ever tried to rinse out the refrigerator drawers in your kitchen sink?! Not an easy task, let me tell ya! Between the awkward shape and size, and the lovely nooks and crannies that are super efficient at collecting water , you are sure to get a bath! Good times!


What could be more fun than that? Well, I decided to bring my diaper bag out of early retirement for this trip. I was horrified to find that after spraying it down and wiping it out with paper towels, washing it in the washer, and re - wiping it with Clorox wipes, I was still able to find remnants of lint and spilled juice...and other possibilities of grossness.


I also learned, that true friends will drive an hour to bring a late night dessert and last minute help with packing and cleaning the night before you leave. They will tell you they love you and toast you with apple cider, wishing you the best of luck on new adventures and exciting journeys. Then, they will leave in a hurry, knowing that every minute spent with them in good times, is another minute late at night finishing up the week's work of moving.


Last, but not least, I can say without doubt, no matter how sure you are that everything is packed, you have at least three more boxes worth of stuff around the house. All the odds and ends that look like nothing and don't really go with anything, will end up being the thing that takes up the most time.  Don't let them be your downfall!!

I'm A Mom...I'm Required By LAW To Ask You These Questions

There are certain words you never thought you would use.  Words like potty...but here you are, you're a mom now, and potty has become one of the most frequently used words in your vocabulary.  Along with words you would prefer not to say, you are finding yourself asking some awkward questions.  I ask them all the time, and I don't limit it to my children.  My husband gets asked as well....along with other family members and random friends.  I may even ask an occasional stranger or two, but don't worry - it's OK.  I'm a Mom, I'm required by law to ask these questions.

'Did you wash your hands?'

Oh, how I wish this was a given, but it's not.  I have two step-sons and anytime I hear a flush, you will hear me yelling through the house - 'Did you wash your hands?!'  And more often than not, I will hear little feet run back into the bathroom and the water go on...

'Can you say PLEASE?'

My daughter's vocabulary is expanding daily, and I know for a fact that 'please' is in there.  So, why does she forget to use it from time to time? It's not just 'please', we are also working on 'Thank you' and 'You're Welcome'. 'Excuse Me' on the other hand she has down pat! That's all you hear as she's tearing through the house and occasionally bumping into things - 'Oh...hee hee...Excuse Me!' - and off she goes again.

'Do you need to go potty?'

Because I don't want to be 5 minutes down the road when you decide you have to go...Just as my Mother taught me, and her mother taught her...now I'm teaching you - You always go before you leave the house!

'Did you say Sorry?'

Sometimes a big hug and kiss isn't enough, you're going to have to say the actual words...I don't know why that's so hard for some people...

'Are you hungry?  Are you thirsty?'

It's not that we are trying to love you fat...we are nurturing and caring and want to support healthy growth and energy for running and jumping and playing!  Sometimes little people (and even big people) get too busy having fun to remember that they are hungry or dehydrated, it's our job to make sure that doesn't happen.

So, the next time you sit down to dinner at my house and I ask you if you washed your hands - NO, I'm not YOUR mother ( or a germ-o-phobe ), but I am A mother.  While it may seem bossy and controlling, it's really not.  A mom's main focus is on molding her little people into responsible, productive and independent grown-ups.  We are in constant teaching mode and sometimes it spills over into other areas of our lives and onto other people... .

Birth Control - Fact OR Fiction?!

So, initially I was doing research about the various methods of birth control, but as I was browsing through Planned Parenthood's website, I was rather appalled with my findings. So, rather than focus on the more effective forms of birth control , I thought I would expose some of the myths instead....


Breastfeeding

I have two cousins who are 11 months apart...no doubt, their mother was told breastfeeding was an effective way to prevent pregnancy. Clearly, it was not. As I was glancing at the rankings of the various products and methods Planned Parenthood had listed, I was somewhat stunned to find that breastfeeding was not only on the list, but it was comparable to the birth control pill. Now, I am a huge advocate of breastfeeding, and while it does in fact prevent you from having a period while you are actively nursing your baby, it will NOT necessarily prevent pregnancy. If it did, my doctor ( who knew I was nursing full time) probably wouldn't have handed me a list of forms of birth control that would be compatible with breastfeeding.


Fertility Awareness


My grandmother was a fan....she was also the mother of five. I'm not ruling out the fact that some women can in fact, keep track of their cycles. Personally, I experience ovulating pains on a regular basis....of course that doesn't help me much if I had sex the week before and was relying solely on this method. Sperm can live in your body for up to six days. You can get pregnant for the five days prior to ovulating, the day of and even up to two days after! Add it up ladies...if you want to be sure not to make any mistakes with this method you are giving up sex for at least 13 days..and not any thirteen days, but the thirteen days you are likely to be your horniest - what with your body being in baby making mode and all. If you do decide to have sex, you will be wise to use a back up form of birth control. Really,if you have to do that anyway, why bother with the fertility awareness method at all?!


Withdrawal


Ah, the infamous pull out method. Why this made the list at all, is beyond me. I have always considered it more of the birth control urban legend...the myth...the joke. I had a boyfriend who was a fan and I remember the day he mentioned it to me....I laughed and laughed....and laughed some more. All the way to the pharmacy where I picked up my prescription for the pill. Get real, NO man has that much control of their little swimmers and frankly - no man is THAT dependable. Even if they pull out before they shoot out baby makers at full blast, pre-cum ( you know, the opening act nobody comes to see, but it's always there anyway) can actually pick up enough sperm left in the urethra from a previous ejaculation to cause pregnancy. Add to that the possibility of spills..I mean it, anything hits your vagina and your egg is fair game!


Which brings me to my final point. Birth control should be up to you. As much as we would all like to say that it's as much the guy's responsibility ( and really it is), ultimately the consequences of faulty birth control will effect you the most. So, why leave it up to someone else?


Oh, and in case anyone was wondering...jumping up and down after sex- also NOT going to work!

Baby Surprise

Finding out that you are pregnant when you weren't planning it can come as quite a shock to the system.  Wondering if you COULD be pregnant when you aren't planning it can be even worse!  Pregnancy came as a big surprise to me.  I remember being in the car, in the passenger seat, and feeling very car sick ( which I never get)  and for no reason whatsoever, it dawned on me - I'm pregnant.  Now, let me back peddle a little here...I had no reason to believe that pregnancy was even a possibility for me, since my husband had had a vasectomy, but there I was.  Woman with baby on board.  Which brings me to my first point.  Never assume it's not possible. 


The only way to be absolutely sure to avoid getting pregnant is abstinence.  No other form of birth control works one hundred percent of the time.  Many are close, but nothing is completely guaranteed.  Birth control pills are great, but only if you take them at the same time every day.  Even then, you've only minimized the risk.  Not too mention, taking additional medicines like antibiotics can completely counter act the pill and the effects you were hoping for. Condoms, forget about it.  I can't even tell you how many condom babies I know...There are so many variables there....did you put it on properly and on time ( right at the start!)?  Did it come off at any point?  Did it break?  A lot can go wrong here. Oh, and my favorite - the pull out method.  Who's still using that one?!  I love when guys insist that they've got you covered...they don't!  There's such a thing as pre-cum and it is just as capable of making a baby....


Now, supposing you had a condom break or even worse, had unprotected sex all together.  Even if you think that you are aware of when you usually ovulate, are you taking into consideration that sperm can actually live inside of you for several days and wait for you to ovulate?!  Didn't think so....


Should you at any point in time become suspicious about what is going on with your body, take the time to pay attention to it.  Have you gotten your period on time?  If not, don't stress.  It is entirely possible that you have freaked yourself out so much that your body is in freeze mode and your period will likely remain a no show until you relax.  However, if you are getting your period, but something still seems off, you need to consider the fact that you can have period like spotting all through out your pregnancy and you don't want to confuse the two. 


So, you have gotten to the point where you are taking a pregnancy test and it comes back negative, but your period still remains out of sight.  It's time to make an appointment with your doc.  Some women will only show up pregnant on a blood test, so no matter how many times you pee on that stick, it is not going to give you an honest answer.  If you peed on the stick and it showed up with a little plus sign in the window - Congratulations - you are going to be a Mommy!


Take a moment, or two...take as long as you want - You've got nine months!  As surreal as it seemed to me to be pregnant, it all became very real and even exciting once I could feel my daughter moving around in my tummy.  It's OK to be scared or even angry, if this wasn't a part of your plan.  Feel whatever you feel and allow yourself to adjust to this situation...and when you're ready - make a new plan!

My Top 5 Favorite Children's Books

Open a book and you open a mind.  If you take the time to read to your children, you can open their minds to so many wonderful things...the possibility of magic and miracles, creative thinking and imaginary play, learning to count and expanding their vocabulary.  Here are some of my  ( and my daughter's) favorite books when it comes to story time in our home....




Alice the Fairy
             
We love this book.  We read it over and over and OVER again. It's the sweetest little story about a mischievous little girl,who shares her secrets of life as a temporary fairy.  What I love about this book is that it's written from the character's perspective, who in this case is a little girl, much like my little one.  I want my daughter to believe in things like magic wands and magic mirrors...that's part of what makes being a child so special...the ability to BELIEVE.

                                 






Pirates Don't Change Diapers

This was the first book my daughter EVER sat still for from beginning to end.  If you are looking for a story that allows you to do fun voices-this is the one! It's actually a sequel in a series, but we had this one first and fell in love.  Even though it may seem like there is a lot of dialogue for a small child to stay focused on, it's such an easy and entertaining read that it was never a problem for us. I had just as much fun reading it to my daughter as she had listening to it.







                

I See A Monster

I love touch and feel books.  They are such a great way for children to get involved in  the books before they are actually able to read them....sometimes, before they are even completely able to understand them. The sentences are so short and to the point, that I was amazed to find how fast my daughter learned the different words throughout the story, as well as their meaning.  I remember watching my daughter a while back with her book, flipping through the pages and pointing at key parts of the story and saying the words out loud.  It was a proud moment for this mama! 







Five Little Ladybugs

This little book taught my daughter to count!  By the time she was two she was counting to ten and loving it!  Not only can she count, but she can read numbers, too.  In addition to being educational, the colors and art work are great and I love how the little lady bugs are 3d.  If you're not into lady bugs, there are other versions out there...but who doesn't love a little ladybug?!










The Cat In The Hat

OK, this one is a classic and every child should have it!  Well, that's just my humble opinion...but come on - it's 'The Cat In The Hat'!  And as a parent who reads a lot of books over and over again, sometimes with a child who likes to flip the pages before you're ready - there's something to be said for material that is easy to memorize!
 







I am thrilled that my daughter has a love for books even at this young age.  Few things give my heart more joy, than to watch her run around the living room with her pirate hat on, yelling 'Aargh!';  or when she cries 'hocus pocus' and practices her magic just like Alice the fairy does.  Story time is a time for us to sit together and cuddle up with a good book.  We get to play and use fun voices and giggle as much as we want.  It's not just educational, it's emotional and every parent ought to take the time to do it.  A lot of these books can be read in as little as five or ten minutes...and that could turn into a lifetime love of books and learning.  Think about it...
                                   

Psst, Don't Tell The Kids....They're Kids.

I don't understand why so many parents seem to feel the need to treat their children like adults. Who ever decided it was a bad thing to be treated like a child, when in fact you ARE a child?! I remember when sitting at the 'kid's table' was fun and I never once remember feeling slighted or left out when adults did things that were not for children.

So, why this need to keep kids from being kids? Why are parents running out and piercing their daughter's ears when they are only infants? Aren't you essentially poking permanent holes into your baby's otherwise perfect little body? Shouldn't that be a decision she makes for herself when she gets a little older? I, for one, am looking forward to the day when I get to take my preteen daughter to get her ears pierced. I want her to be old enough to not only want it for herself, but also to be able to be excited about it, to pick out her first set of earrings herself!
Now, I've heard the theories that drinking an occasional glass of wine with dinner just like the adults, will help teach your children not to be alcoholics...but quite frankly, I'm not buying it! Whatever happened to talking to your children and educating them?

Letting your young child drink wine or beer, well quite frankly, the whole concept kind of blows my mind! There is a reason the LEGAL drinking age is 21. Consuming alcohol is a very serious thing. Alcohol does physical damage to your body (primarily YOUR BRAIN) every time it is consumed. How about instead of a glass of wine to make your child feel special, you pour some grape juice and sparkling water into a fancy glass and let him or her drink that. It can have the same effect without doing the damage.

Honestly, where do you draw the line? If drinking alcohol is acceptable,are you going to let your child light up a cigarette at the dinner table too? Where do you stand on the subject of Sex? I am no prude and I certainly have no objections to other adults engaging in any of those activities, but there is absolutely no way I will be promoting my children doing them until they are in fact adults themselves.

I'm not going to lie, I'm a big fan of 'Do as I say and not as I do', and I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I am an adult. I'm not saying that I don't always try to lead with a good example as a mother, but I'm also a grown woman. I have earned certain privileges and I'm not going to give them up now just because I'm a mom. I'm also not going to enable my daughter to enjoy those same privileges until she has earned them herself.

That's the part I don't think anyone is really taking into consideration here. By including our children in our adult activities we are taking away their rites of passage. We are giving them all of the fun without any of the responsibilities and we are virtually eliminating their level of motivation to grow up and become productive responsible adults. If we don't let them earn these things, if we let them grow up too soon in some ways...they may never grow up in others.

5 Guys To Avoid When Searching For Mr. Right

Dating is tough. It's a jungle out there and if you're not heavily armed...you ought-ta be. I'm not saying Mr. Right isn't out there, it's just that sometimes all the Mr. Wrongs can be distracting. So, in order to make your search a little easier (and your happily ever after a little sooner), here are some Mr. Not So Right's to steer clear of....

• The Player
  

We've all known him, a lot of us have dated him. He is charming and sexy. He dresses impeccably and can carry on a conversation better than any other man I've known. He will wine and dine you and when he takes you out dancing, he will actually dance...and dance well. No matter how busy the bar is, and how painfully aware you are of the fact that he has probably slept with 75% of the women in the room, he will still make you feel like you are the only one he sees. At that very moment, you are. Only what you don't realize is, that while he seems to be looking at you, what he really sees is the bull's eye painted on your panties. Once he makes his goal, he is out of there, leaving you behind to pick up your various articles of clothing and pieces of your broken heart. Finally, as you make your 5am walk of shame down his driveway ( as so many have before you) you will be wondering....just where the hell your underwear ended up?! Even after all this, part of you will still be hoping he calls again. Yes, he's that good.

• The Fixer-Upper

Ah, the troubled soul, the wounded man, the misunderstood. This guy is hard to pass up, but you're going to have to. I know how easy it is to fall for this guy ( believe me - I know!), not just because he makes us feel needed. What really gets us is the blinding potential. I say blinding because that is the effect it will have on you. From the moment you see his broken little heart and all the aching and breaking it has had to endure, all you will want to do is kiss it and make it better. Only you can't. What's worse, is that you will no longer be able to see all the things that make this seemingly Mr. Right a very Mr. Wrong. Anything he does, that may be hurtful or deceitful or otherwise uncaring and unlikeable, will magically be excusable. It's not his fault he's like this, after what he's been through....blah blah blah. Being in love with the Man he COULD be is going to get you nowhere but to Broken Hearts Ville...and fast. The sad truth is that he is a grown man, and the man he IS, is more than likely, the man he COULD BE. If he wanted to be better, or more ambitious, or happier...he would be, but he's not. So run...run fast, because you become who you hang out with and you don't want to be lousy, lazy and depressed!

• The Nice Guy
  

Now I know what you're thinking - what's wrong with the nice guy? Lots, starting with the fact that he doesn't exist. There are Jerks, who are really sweet when they know it's just the two of you. The Real guys, who are just straight forward and straight down the middle, not overly sweet and not overly obnoxious. Then there are Nice guys, who are actually Asses. This guy is SO romantic and SUCH a sweetheart that you think you've hit the jackpot! Yeah, well all that romance won't count for much when he's cheating on you or manipulating you, or finding otherwise underhanded ways to make you feel like less of yourself. Trust me on this, any guy who buys you flowers on a regular basis, is doing it for a reason....you may want to find out what it is. Or better yet, just shred the freaking things and leave the rose thorns buried in his bedding. It's probably the least he deserves.

• The Work-Aholic
  

Hey, I am all for ambition, but within reason. The right guy will value his job and his career, but not as much as he values you. When he can't show up for events in your life that are important to you, events that he has had time to plan for, he's more committed to his boss than to you. While his boss is signing his paycheck, he's not caring for him, supporting him emotionally, building a life with him and he better not be having SEX with him. If Mr. Works Too Much can't figure out which is more important to him and prioritize, you need to. Put yourself first, and move on.

• The Bros-Before-Hos Guy
  

This guy isn't always easy to spot. You want a guy who has friends and close relationships with his brothers or cousins,etc.. You don't want a guy who feels so loyal to his male people, that he shares your secrets, takes their side over yours or lets them influence serious issues in your relationship. This guy may have wonderful qualities that make your world go round, but when push comes to shove, he is more committed to the other sex than he is to you. With him, his priorities lie with the men in his life and you will always be an AFTERTHOUGHT. So, quit wasting your time THINKING ABOUT HIM and think about yourself and what makes you happy. It's not going to be him.

So, there you have it Ladies. Hope this list serves you well. Certainly wish I had had it while I was single and playing the dating game, torturous as it was. Rest assured, I have encountered every one of the 5 Mr. Wrongs, some of them multiple times. May you all learn from my mistakes....Good Luck and Happy Hunting!