Wisdom Of Experience

It occurs to me, that tonight may be a bad night to write, as I am

feeling rather defeated and small...invisible. My thirtieth Birthday

is right around the corner, and truth be told, I'm not where I thought

I would be at this stage in my life...but in spite of the various

obstacles in my path, I am looking forward to where I'm going.

As I put the past behind me and say good-bye to my twenties, I can't

help but acknowledge the many changes my heart and my head have

undergone. Ten years ago, I hoped for nothing more but to fall in

love and get married...now, after having been married, I realize that

who I thought I was and what I thought I wanted, were all wrong. Who

I am and what I want, unfortunately have nothing to do with marriage

at all. In my twenties I wanted a husband, for my thirties I look

forward to my freedom with the option of a boy toy, preferably in his

twenties.

I was convinced most of my young adult life, that motherhood was not

for me. Maternal feelings were foreign to me. Babies didn't make me

want to ooh and ah, they made me roll my eyes and panic if God

forbid, someone tried to make me hold one. Needless to say, when the

day came that I had to pee on that magical stick, it was a bit of a

shock to my system to see the word "pregnant" flash across that tiny

screen. It's a good thing pregnancy lasts nine months, because that's

about how long it took me to get used to the idea. Even after giving

birth, the only word I could think of to describe the whole

experience was surreal. The moment I actually held her in my arms,

everything changed. It was real. I may not have believed that I was

ever meant to be a mother, but I can say without a doubt, from the

bottom of my heart, the very core of my being - I was meant to be HER

mother. In the end, it's turned out to be the one thing I really know

for sure about myself.

Some people that have known me over the last decade, may argue that 

I am a bit of a commitment phobe. Reviewing my choices to move

every six months, my attraction to men who prefer to stay

unattached and my track record with jobs, I suppose there may be 

some truth to that. Although it's probably less of a fear of commitment

and more a fear of disappointment. It takes about six months to get to

know people. After that, you have to start to look below the surface,

see beyond the superficial and the sad truth is, that often I don't like

what I see...so moving always seemed like a good way to avoid that.

Leave on a high note where everyone is still wonderful and fun. The

thing with men is no less of a self-preservation thing. I always want

the unattainable because it's safest. No chance of actual feelings and

actual heartbreak. The job thing isn't so deep. They're jobs. That's

all. I bartend, I wait tables...it pays the bills, but it does

nothing for my soul. There's the third thing I learned about myself,

I'm a writer. Not in theory, but an actual writer. Published. The

real deal. I repeat it not for your sake, but to remind myself.

Sometimes we need to do that, bring the dream into reality. Say it

out loud to make it real. I don't know why it's so hard for us to

believe that the things we want most in life are actually possible.

Maybe I'll figure that one out by the time I'm forty.

In the mean time I guess it's enough to know what I know. So as I

look toward the next stage of my life and leave that last chapter

behind me, I also look forward to my new outlook as the 'grown-up' me.

In my twenties I thought I knew everything, now I know that I knew

nothing.

I believed that love could conquer all and was always enough. That's

true for your children, not for your partner.

My judgement in men sucks. I cannot be trusted. From now on, I'm

letting others pick for me...

Marriage is all about compromise. I hate to compromise.

I am both bitter and naive. It's an odd combination. I believe the

worst about people, but I'm still stunned when I find out I'm right.

What I lack in my romantic relationships, I make up for in the

relationships with my fellow female people. The women who were

closest to me ten years ago, are still here today. In my corner, in

my life and always in my heart.

I trust too easily. It's a real problem. I'll probably keep that one

though...

I spent the first half of my twenties building my life, and the

second half ripping it to shreds. Now it's time to rebuild. Stronger.

Better. In my twenties I believed in possibilities I wasn't ready to

pursue. I'm ready now.

So when I blow out those candles, I won't be making a wish this year.

I'll be making a promise. To myself, my mother and my daughter. To be

the woman my daughter needs me to be and my mother always

believed I already was.

I Am WOMAN, Watch Me SOAR

Since the beginning of time, men have been trying to undermine women.  I mean, look at who they blamed in the whole apple debacle...not the snake. Most women grow up trying to find every possible way to become pleasing to men. We want to look good, smell good and act in a way that is appealing to the opposite sex. We go to all sorts of lengths to make this happen, including hours at the salon, wearing clothes that are neither comfortable nor practical, and sometimes we really lose our minds and undergo body altering surgeries.  No matter what, the approval we seek remains elusive. In the end, our emotions always land us on the cons side of the pros and cons list.  We cry and they call us weak.  We are tough and they call us butch.  We really can't win.  Why should we want to?

Women are amazing creatures. We nurture. We love unconditionally (even when it's not deserved).  We fight for those who are weak. We see the beauty in strength and the strength in vulnerability. We sacrifice, and we do it without being asked and without giving up. We are selfless when it comes to the ones we love, especially our children. We eat last and usually our dinner is cold, but we don't care because we didn't cook for ourselves, we cooked for others. We sleep when there's time and when there's not, we just don't.

How often do we send around emails reminding us to celebrate just how remarkable we truly are? We are each others constant support system, trying to overcome and undue the damage we let men do to our psyche and emotional well being. Well, I for one am done. So this is to all the men out there who have crossed my path or may sometime in the future - If you find me so controlling, bitchy, stupid, emotional, needy, crazy and annoying then F**K OFF! Quite frankly, I'm not that impressed by you either.

I'm outta here...

Cookies Cookies Cookies

Now I know I'm usually an advocate for eating healthy...but I'm no
saint and I have a sweet tooth that can be matched by few and
satisfied by nothing less than sugar perfection. And if chocolate is
involved, well that just makes it so much better!

Over the last few years I took my obsession with sugar to a whole new
level. Instead of just settling for store bought goodies, I started
making up my own cookie recipes. My mother started me on delicious
chocolate mint and chocolate caramels and I loved them...so much so,
that I wanted more! I explored every flavor from cornbread to red
velvet and I found that there was a perfect concoction to match every
one of my cravings. And I am willing to bet, there's a perfect cookie
in our collection for every sweet tooth out there!

If you want melt in your mouth 'cinnamon dreams', crunchy and creamy
'peanut clusters' or delectable 'Smores' you can have them! All of
the recipes are as easy on the wallet as they are to make. In less
than 15 minutes you could have 'hot out of the oven- goes perfect
with a tall glass of milk' cookies!

Now, for a while, my mother and I went around baking up a storm,
sharing the cookies with friends, family and yes, even
strangers...but we can't reach everyone, and so we thought that this
would be easier. After all, these cookies are just too good not to
share :)

Proper Playground Etiquette

As a stay at home mom with a Toddler, more often than not I find myself at the playground.  And why not?!  It's a great place for the tots to get some exercise and also ( and perhaps more importantly ) a chance for them to practice their budding social skills. However, for me, it's not always fun and games at the park.  While my little one is running around and having a ball, I am chasing after her, making sure she is safe and also reminding her of certain rules....

For instance -

You need to use the stairs!  Just because you saw some big kids climbing up the slide doesn't mean you have to copy them.  For you, the slide is a way to go DOWN not UP.

Wait your turn.  I know you are faster than some of the other kids, but just because it takes you half the time to get up the stairs, does not mean you get to go down the slide twice as often.  Patience is a virtue...granted not one most two year olds possess, but it's a virtue none the less.

DO NOT run out in front of other children while they are swinging.  As far away as they may seem at certain times, they will be close enough to take you out in one swift motion in a matter of seconds.

Oh yes, and let's not forget to not pick up everyone that is smaller than you.  They may look little and cute, but honey so do you. That half an inch you got over them is not enough to pick them up and carry them around like your new favorite dolly. Also, they tend to cry when you try to....

That's the general routine.  Add to that the small attempts I make to socialize with other moms in between maneuvering my daughter and I am busy, busy, busy.  It also doesn't help my stress level that my kid tends to lean towards children that are older than her.  For some reason children her own age or younger just don't hold her interest for very long.  In general I wouldn't have a problem with this, except of course, for the fact that at 2 1/2 she is not as coordinated as a 4 or 5 year old is.  Unfortunately, that slows her down about as much as it speeds my heart rate up. So, I watch and try not to hover as she tears through the place, running and jumping and climbing just as fast as her two little feet will carry her.

On occasion I have also found that the older children she's so fond of, also tend to be a bit controlling, sometimes even bully-ish.  That has been challenging for the both of us.  She gets confused and doesn't understand why someone is being mean and I get hurt and wonder what I should be teaching my baby.  One day a little boy took her stuffed animal ( it goes everywhere she goes) and held it hostage.  When she came to me, I told her to say please and ask for it back. When that didn't work, I went to get it from him myself.  He proceeded to hurl her little toy up into the air and across the park.  My daughter was in tears and I wanted to shove that little snot into the ground...but I can't teach my kid that.  Thankfully, his mother was right there and once aware of the situation, handled it immediately. But, what do I do in the future?  What if the next bully has a mom who is completely oblivious?  What if the next time, I'm not even there and she's at preschool? I want to teach her to be strong and to defend herself, but how do I do that without turning her into a bully as well?  For now I guess I will settle for working on her communication skills.  If talking to the bully doesn't work, at least she can come and talk to me or a teacher and then it will be up to a grown up to handle things...and if need be - shove someone into the ground.

Things YOU Should Know Before Eating OUT

Having spent the last 10 years in the hospitality industry, I have encountered a lot of things I never knew about restaurants and how they run.  For instance, on Sundays when business is slow don't be surprised to find the kitchen missing a dishwasher...crazy as it seems, I have worked plenty of places where EVERYONE has to help out and pick up the slack and do the dishes.  Everyone, meaning the servers mostly.  This can easily explain why you may find yourself waiting 10 minutes for an ice tea you expected to be sipping moments after you ordered it. Allow me to walk you through it...You order your beverage, your server returns to the drink station only to find that nobody has stocked clean glasses.  So, he or she hurries back to the kitchen in hopes of finding a clean glass rack just waiting to be brought out, instead they find several racks of DIRTY glasses and an empty dish pit.  They quickly run the glasses through the machine and run back out to the drink station to get back to your ice tea.  At this point of course, the glasses are piping hot and your ice tea is less icy and more luke warm, so your server is frantically trying to chill the glass and keep your tea from getting watered down.  Finally you get your beverage, and rather than being grateful for everything that went into this one glass of ice tea, you are annoyed and make comments to your fellow dining associates about how slow, and possibly stupid, your waiter is.  And you wonder why we
 joke about spitting in your drinks... .


So, here's some helpful hints for practicing proper dining out etiquette in the future -

                              
 

When you walk in through the front doors and you are greeted by the hostess, let her know if you have a table preference.  Don't wait until you get to your table to ask for a booth.  This may lead to you getting a dirty table, sitting in a section that is closed and no longer has a server or sitting in a section where the server is so busy it will be a long time before they even notice you are sitting there.  The truth is, that whole restaurant rises and falls with how the host or hostess does their job.  If they don't rotate the servers, servers become overloaded and fall behind, providing you with bad service.  Also, it's their job to keep a nice pace going so that the kitchen can keep up, because once the kitchen gets buried, it's all downhill from there.  So, as simple as it may seem to point at a table and say 'I want that one'- it's not.  If it were, they wouldn't need the hostess.

 
Tipping is not optional.  If you cannot afford to tip, go to McDonald's.  The standard for good service is 20%, if your service was adequate it's OK to lean towards 15%.  If you are leaving a 10% tip I have to assume that the service was either horrible or you are an ignorant jackass.  More often than not, it's the latter.  Server's make less than minimum wage, most of which goes to taxes and therefore we rarely actually see a paycheck.  What you tip is what we make, it's the industry.  If you want to be pissed about having to tip, be pissed, but don't take it out on us, we are simply doing our jobs...and we expect to get paid for it just as you do for yours.



DO NOT ask me to make sure your food is hot before I bring it out to you.  The only way I can be sure is if I stick my finger in it...is that really what you want?  No, you want me to bring it to you assuming it's fine, then when it's not, you can tell me and I will gladly re-heat it or bring you something new.



A lot of servers don't write the orders down.  Don't question it.  It's not that we are geniuses, it's just that we know that menu inside and out and we know what we can handle.  Worst case scenario if I forget an order, I glance back over at you or possibly scan the menu, trust me, it always comes right back. 


IF you get your food and find that something is wrong and it's not the way you ordered it, please, do not jump to conclusions.  Believe it or not, I have seen many food tickets go to the cook, who didn't read it properly, then go to the expo (the person who adds the finishing touches and puts together each table's orders) who reads it wrong and then it may even go to the food runner, who checks the food and compares it to the order and STILL they don't get it right.  Let's review, the server took your order and then sent it to the kitchen CORRECTLY and then 3 other people screwed up.  See why you can't always blame it on your waiter?

Last, but not least, be kind to your server.  We are people just like you, and we deserve your respect.  We may be waiting on you, but we are in no way beneath you.  And while I personally haven't seen anyone spit in a drink or put hair in someone's food....I would never say never... .   
 

3 A Day Of Dairy - Hold The Artificial Hormone, Please!

Recently, my family and I have moved across country, and while I love my new residence, I was somewhat disappointed when it came time for my first trip to the local grocery store.  It turns out, that most of the brands I'm used to buying aren't available here.  I carefully examined every label of every item of dairy and found very little to work with!  When I consulted some of the employees, they were of little to no help...and I ended up leaving without some of the key items I was shopping for.  Instead I headed home and have found myself glued to the computer screen, in hopes of finding some brands that pledge not to use milk that was produced using artificial hormones, ever since.  I haven't found nearly as much information as I was hoping for, so my search will no doubt continue, but here's what I've come up with so far...

In terms of milk the choices are actually quite abundant.  It seems that in the last couple of years a lot of major brands and grocery stores have hopped on the ban wagon and are now selling milk from cows that have not been treated with rBST.  Here are a few examples -

Wal-Mart
Safeway (Lucerne)
Publix
Kroger's
Food Lion
Berkeley
Crystal
Dairygold
(The last three also offer heavy whipping cream and half&half)

Next we have yogurt.  At first I was afraid that things weren't looking very good, but then I stumbled across the fact that two huge yogurt companies are now banning artificial hormones due to the increasing demand! From what I have seen, they haven't put anything on their labels yet, but the change is rather recent, so it may still be in the works...never the less, you can feel comfortable buying any of these products-

Yoplait
Dannon
Tillamook
Brown Cow
Stonyfield
Nancy's Cultured Dairy and Soy
Cascade Fresh
Dairygold

I am sad to say, that cheese without rBST seems to be a little harder to find.  A lot of the big brand names don't seem to be on board with the changes yet, but I am hoping that will happen soon!  Kraft is headed in that direction with their first line of natural cheeses.  Look for these specifically -

Kraft Natural Cheese made with 2% Milk
Tillamook
Whole Foods 365
Berner Natural Cheese
Nancy's Cultured Dairy and Soy

Let's not forget about Sour Cream ( one of my daughter's faves!- Hey, you can't have a quesadilla without it!)  We are in luck since some of the most common brands are already going artificial hormone free!

Daisy ( also look for Cottage Cheese)
Dairygold
Tillamook

Another common dairy product is butter. I almost forgot about it in my research (oops!), but at the end I remembered...

Tillamook
Challenge
Dairygold

Ah, yes, the one I would never forget - Ice Cream! I wish I had more names than I do for this one, but as of right now, this is all I have come up with -

Umpqua
Ben and Jerry's
Lovin' Scoopful
Tillamook

On the upside, all of those ice creams are delicious - when you can find them.  In the mean time, be sure to check your favorite flavor and brand.  If they aren't using milk without artificial hormones to make their ice cream yet, write them!  Tell them that it matters to you. Hey, it worked with the yogurt!

Here's a few extra tidbits that I found interesting - Starbucks is using only rBST free milk in their coffees and Chipotle Mexican Grill has pledged to only serve hormone free sour cream!

I know we still have quite a ways to go, but I really feel that as consumer awareness grows and the demand for healthier products gets greater, the companies supplying our food will have to change and provide us with a product that we are willing to buy and then feed to our families! So, keep checking your labels and don't compromise on what you spend your money on.  We have every right to expect our food to nourish our bodies, not harm them!

Things I've Learned This Week...;)

Well, it's the night before the big Moving Day and I am exhausted! It has been a long and stressful week and I am ready to hit the open road and make my way across country, but before I do..let's review the things I've learned this week -



Dogs, cats and Toddlers all handle the anxiety of moving differently. The dogs ( who are very used to moving and road trips - they've been with us a long time!) saw the boxes and the return of the camper shell on top of the truck bed, loaded up...and pretty much haven't gotten out since. It's been two days and we have had to force them to come in at night, take them with us when we run errands and bring their food and water up to the bed of the truck - THEY WON'T COME OUT! They know we are leaving and they will NOT be left behind!


The cats have taken a very sullen and quiet approach. While you would expect them to play and have a hay day with all the boxes and packing paper, they have instead opted to be very silent and next to non - existent. Usually we would have to watch them around open doors ( indoor cats - outdoor dogs), these days we have had all the doors wide open and the cats just lay there in the middle of the semi-empty rooms, making NO attempt to wander outside...you know what they say, curiosity killed the cat...or got it lost right before moving day- well not these guys!


Oh, my toddler...my sweet little tinker tot. While all the adults have wanted to throw themselves on the floor, kicking and screaming and having an all out fit...she's the only one who's actually been able to get away with it...a lot! I'm giving her a free pass this week...once we get to where we are going, it's another story. Terrible Two's or not, this is BEYOND what I can accept.


Lesson number 2. Craig's List is a wonderful and profitable way to get rid of the stuff you don't want to move! It's also a nice way to increase the amount of spam in your inbox...

Yard Sales, not so wonderful and less profitable...it was my first go around and I was surprised to find that a steal really is a STEAL! Seriously, $2.00?! That's what people were expecting to pay?! Maybe if I was getting rid of CRAP...but I don't sell crap. I simply throw it out.


On to number 3. There is NO good way to clean a Fridge. Even if you think that you keep it wiped out and fairly clean, you may be surprised to find, that once it has been emptied, the words that come to mind are BIO- HAZARD. There's always something way in the back that never gets used, but somehow causes a spill, which naturally makes its way down to the very bottom of your fridge. That is where it stays and grows things, all the while remaining nicely hidden by the two drawers located at the bottom to keep things like your meats and produce. Mmm, Yummy. Oh, and let's not forget that random bowl of leftovers that started out front and center, where it could be seen and eaten, but then slowly, but surely made it's way to the back bottom corner. Where it remained for weeks ( maybe months) never to be seen or heard of again...until today, that is.

Now, once you have gotten rid of all the yuckies and the totally disgusting, it's time to rinse. Have you ever tried to rinse out the refrigerator drawers in your kitchen sink?! Not an easy task, let me tell ya! Between the awkward shape and size, and the lovely nooks and crannies that are super efficient at collecting water , you are sure to get a bath! Good times!


What could be more fun than that? Well, I decided to bring my diaper bag out of early retirement for this trip. I was horrified to find that after spraying it down and wiping it out with paper towels, washing it in the washer, and re - wiping it with Clorox wipes, I was still able to find remnants of lint and spilled juice...and other possibilities of grossness.


I also learned, that true friends will drive an hour to bring a late night dessert and last minute help with packing and cleaning the night before you leave. They will tell you they love you and toast you with apple cider, wishing you the best of luck on new adventures and exciting journeys. Then, they will leave in a hurry, knowing that every minute spent with them in good times, is another minute late at night finishing up the week's work of moving.


Last, but not least, I can say without doubt, no matter how sure you are that everything is packed, you have at least three more boxes worth of stuff around the house. All the odds and ends that look like nothing and don't really go with anything, will end up being the thing that takes up the most time.  Don't let them be your downfall!!