I'm A Mom...I'm Required By LAW To Ask You These Questions

There are certain words you never thought you would use.  Words like potty...but here you are, you're a mom now, and potty has become one of the most frequently used words in your vocabulary.  Along with words you would prefer not to say, you are finding yourself asking some awkward questions.  I ask them all the time, and I don't limit it to my children.  My husband gets asked as well....along with other family members and random friends.  I may even ask an occasional stranger or two, but don't worry - it's OK.  I'm a Mom, I'm required by law to ask these questions.

'Did you wash your hands?'

Oh, how I wish this was a given, but it's not.  I have two step-sons and anytime I hear a flush, you will hear me yelling through the house - 'Did you wash your hands?!'  And more often than not, I will hear little feet run back into the bathroom and the water go on...

'Can you say PLEASE?'

My daughter's vocabulary is expanding daily, and I know for a fact that 'please' is in there.  So, why does she forget to use it from time to time? It's not just 'please', we are also working on 'Thank you' and 'You're Welcome'. 'Excuse Me' on the other hand she has down pat! That's all you hear as she's tearing through the house and occasionally bumping into things - 'Oh...hee hee...Excuse Me!' - and off she goes again.

'Do you need to go potty?'

Because I don't want to be 5 minutes down the road when you decide you have to go...Just as my Mother taught me, and her mother taught her...now I'm teaching you - You always go before you leave the house!

'Did you say Sorry?'

Sometimes a big hug and kiss isn't enough, you're going to have to say the actual words...I don't know why that's so hard for some people...

'Are you hungry?  Are you thirsty?'

It's not that we are trying to love you fat...we are nurturing and caring and want to support healthy growth and energy for running and jumping and playing!  Sometimes little people (and even big people) get too busy having fun to remember that they are hungry or dehydrated, it's our job to make sure that doesn't happen.

So, the next time you sit down to dinner at my house and I ask you if you washed your hands - NO, I'm not YOUR mother ( or a germ-o-phobe ), but I am A mother.  While it may seem bossy and controlling, it's really not.  A mom's main focus is on molding her little people into responsible, productive and independent grown-ups.  We are in constant teaching mode and sometimes it spills over into other areas of our lives and onto other people... .

Birth Control - Fact OR Fiction?!

So, initially I was doing research about the various methods of birth control, but as I was browsing through Planned Parenthood's website, I was rather appalled with my findings. So, rather than focus on the more effective forms of birth control , I thought I would expose some of the myths instead....


Breastfeeding

I have two cousins who are 11 months apart...no doubt, their mother was told breastfeeding was an effective way to prevent pregnancy. Clearly, it was not. As I was glancing at the rankings of the various products and methods Planned Parenthood had listed, I was somewhat stunned to find that breastfeeding was not only on the list, but it was comparable to the birth control pill. Now, I am a huge advocate of breastfeeding, and while it does in fact prevent you from having a period while you are actively nursing your baby, it will NOT necessarily prevent pregnancy. If it did, my doctor ( who knew I was nursing full time) probably wouldn't have handed me a list of forms of birth control that would be compatible with breastfeeding.


Fertility Awareness


My grandmother was a fan....she was also the mother of five. I'm not ruling out the fact that some women can in fact, keep track of their cycles. Personally, I experience ovulating pains on a regular basis....of course that doesn't help me much if I had sex the week before and was relying solely on this method. Sperm can live in your body for up to six days. You can get pregnant for the five days prior to ovulating, the day of and even up to two days after! Add it up ladies...if you want to be sure not to make any mistakes with this method you are giving up sex for at least 13 days..and not any thirteen days, but the thirteen days you are likely to be your horniest - what with your body being in baby making mode and all. If you do decide to have sex, you will be wise to use a back up form of birth control. Really,if you have to do that anyway, why bother with the fertility awareness method at all?!


Withdrawal


Ah, the infamous pull out method. Why this made the list at all, is beyond me. I have always considered it more of the birth control urban legend...the myth...the joke. I had a boyfriend who was a fan and I remember the day he mentioned it to me....I laughed and laughed....and laughed some more. All the way to the pharmacy where I picked up my prescription for the pill. Get real, NO man has that much control of their little swimmers and frankly - no man is THAT dependable. Even if they pull out before they shoot out baby makers at full blast, pre-cum ( you know, the opening act nobody comes to see, but it's always there anyway) can actually pick up enough sperm left in the urethra from a previous ejaculation to cause pregnancy. Add to that the possibility of spills..I mean it, anything hits your vagina and your egg is fair game!


Which brings me to my final point. Birth control should be up to you. As much as we would all like to say that it's as much the guy's responsibility ( and really it is), ultimately the consequences of faulty birth control will effect you the most. So, why leave it up to someone else?


Oh, and in case anyone was wondering...jumping up and down after sex- also NOT going to work!

Baby Surprise

Finding out that you are pregnant when you weren't planning it can come as quite a shock to the system.  Wondering if you COULD be pregnant when you aren't planning it can be even worse!  Pregnancy came as a big surprise to me.  I remember being in the car, in the passenger seat, and feeling very car sick ( which I never get)  and for no reason whatsoever, it dawned on me - I'm pregnant.  Now, let me back peddle a little here...I had no reason to believe that pregnancy was even a possibility for me, since my husband had had a vasectomy, but there I was.  Woman with baby on board.  Which brings me to my first point.  Never assume it's not possible. 


The only way to be absolutely sure to avoid getting pregnant is abstinence.  No other form of birth control works one hundred percent of the time.  Many are close, but nothing is completely guaranteed.  Birth control pills are great, but only if you take them at the same time every day.  Even then, you've only minimized the risk.  Not too mention, taking additional medicines like antibiotics can completely counter act the pill and the effects you were hoping for. Condoms, forget about it.  I can't even tell you how many condom babies I know...There are so many variables there....did you put it on properly and on time ( right at the start!)?  Did it come off at any point?  Did it break?  A lot can go wrong here. Oh, and my favorite - the pull out method.  Who's still using that one?!  I love when guys insist that they've got you covered...they don't!  There's such a thing as pre-cum and it is just as capable of making a baby....


Now, supposing you had a condom break or even worse, had unprotected sex all together.  Even if you think that you are aware of when you usually ovulate, are you taking into consideration that sperm can actually live inside of you for several days and wait for you to ovulate?!  Didn't think so....


Should you at any point in time become suspicious about what is going on with your body, take the time to pay attention to it.  Have you gotten your period on time?  If not, don't stress.  It is entirely possible that you have freaked yourself out so much that your body is in freeze mode and your period will likely remain a no show until you relax.  However, if you are getting your period, but something still seems off, you need to consider the fact that you can have period like spotting all through out your pregnancy and you don't want to confuse the two. 


So, you have gotten to the point where you are taking a pregnancy test and it comes back negative, but your period still remains out of sight.  It's time to make an appointment with your doc.  Some women will only show up pregnant on a blood test, so no matter how many times you pee on that stick, it is not going to give you an honest answer.  If you peed on the stick and it showed up with a little plus sign in the window - Congratulations - you are going to be a Mommy!


Take a moment, or two...take as long as you want - You've got nine months!  As surreal as it seemed to me to be pregnant, it all became very real and even exciting once I could feel my daughter moving around in my tummy.  It's OK to be scared or even angry, if this wasn't a part of your plan.  Feel whatever you feel and allow yourself to adjust to this situation...and when you're ready - make a new plan!

My Top 5 Favorite Children's Books

Open a book and you open a mind.  If you take the time to read to your children, you can open their minds to so many wonderful things...the possibility of magic and miracles, creative thinking and imaginary play, learning to count and expanding their vocabulary.  Here are some of my  ( and my daughter's) favorite books when it comes to story time in our home....




Alice the Fairy
             
We love this book.  We read it over and over and OVER again. It's the sweetest little story about a mischievous little girl,who shares her secrets of life as a temporary fairy.  What I love about this book is that it's written from the character's perspective, who in this case is a little girl, much like my little one.  I want my daughter to believe in things like magic wands and magic mirrors...that's part of what makes being a child so special...the ability to BELIEVE.

                                 






Pirates Don't Change Diapers

This was the first book my daughter EVER sat still for from beginning to end.  If you are looking for a story that allows you to do fun voices-this is the one! It's actually a sequel in a series, but we had this one first and fell in love.  Even though it may seem like there is a lot of dialogue for a small child to stay focused on, it's such an easy and entertaining read that it was never a problem for us. I had just as much fun reading it to my daughter as she had listening to it.







                

I See A Monster

I love touch and feel books.  They are such a great way for children to get involved in  the books before they are actually able to read them....sometimes, before they are even completely able to understand them. The sentences are so short and to the point, that I was amazed to find how fast my daughter learned the different words throughout the story, as well as their meaning.  I remember watching my daughter a while back with her book, flipping through the pages and pointing at key parts of the story and saying the words out loud.  It was a proud moment for this mama! 







Five Little Ladybugs

This little book taught my daughter to count!  By the time she was two she was counting to ten and loving it!  Not only can she count, but she can read numbers, too.  In addition to being educational, the colors and art work are great and I love how the little lady bugs are 3d.  If you're not into lady bugs, there are other versions out there...but who doesn't love a little ladybug?!










The Cat In The Hat

OK, this one is a classic and every child should have it!  Well, that's just my humble opinion...but come on - it's 'The Cat In The Hat'!  And as a parent who reads a lot of books over and over again, sometimes with a child who likes to flip the pages before you're ready - there's something to be said for material that is easy to memorize!
 







I am thrilled that my daughter has a love for books even at this young age.  Few things give my heart more joy, than to watch her run around the living room with her pirate hat on, yelling 'Aargh!';  or when she cries 'hocus pocus' and practices her magic just like Alice the fairy does.  Story time is a time for us to sit together and cuddle up with a good book.  We get to play and use fun voices and giggle as much as we want.  It's not just educational, it's emotional and every parent ought to take the time to do it.  A lot of these books can be read in as little as five or ten minutes...and that could turn into a lifetime love of books and learning.  Think about it...
                                   

Psst, Don't Tell The Kids....They're Kids.

I don't understand why so many parents seem to feel the need to treat their children like adults. Who ever decided it was a bad thing to be treated like a child, when in fact you ARE a child?! I remember when sitting at the 'kid's table' was fun and I never once remember feeling slighted or left out when adults did things that were not for children.

So, why this need to keep kids from being kids? Why are parents running out and piercing their daughter's ears when they are only infants? Aren't you essentially poking permanent holes into your baby's otherwise perfect little body? Shouldn't that be a decision she makes for herself when she gets a little older? I, for one, am looking forward to the day when I get to take my preteen daughter to get her ears pierced. I want her to be old enough to not only want it for herself, but also to be able to be excited about it, to pick out her first set of earrings herself!
Now, I've heard the theories that drinking an occasional glass of wine with dinner just like the adults, will help teach your children not to be alcoholics...but quite frankly, I'm not buying it! Whatever happened to talking to your children and educating them?

Letting your young child drink wine or beer, well quite frankly, the whole concept kind of blows my mind! There is a reason the LEGAL drinking age is 21. Consuming alcohol is a very serious thing. Alcohol does physical damage to your body (primarily YOUR BRAIN) every time it is consumed. How about instead of a glass of wine to make your child feel special, you pour some grape juice and sparkling water into a fancy glass and let him or her drink that. It can have the same effect without doing the damage.

Honestly, where do you draw the line? If drinking alcohol is acceptable,are you going to let your child light up a cigarette at the dinner table too? Where do you stand on the subject of Sex? I am no prude and I certainly have no objections to other adults engaging in any of those activities, but there is absolutely no way I will be promoting my children doing them until they are in fact adults themselves.

I'm not going to lie, I'm a big fan of 'Do as I say and not as I do', and I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I am an adult. I'm not saying that I don't always try to lead with a good example as a mother, but I'm also a grown woman. I have earned certain privileges and I'm not going to give them up now just because I'm a mom. I'm also not going to enable my daughter to enjoy those same privileges until she has earned them herself.

That's the part I don't think anyone is really taking into consideration here. By including our children in our adult activities we are taking away their rites of passage. We are giving them all of the fun without any of the responsibilities and we are virtually eliminating their level of motivation to grow up and become productive responsible adults. If we don't let them earn these things, if we let them grow up too soon in some ways...they may never grow up in others.

5 Guys To Avoid When Searching For Mr. Right

Dating is tough. It's a jungle out there and if you're not heavily armed...you ought-ta be. I'm not saying Mr. Right isn't out there, it's just that sometimes all the Mr. Wrongs can be distracting. So, in order to make your search a little easier (and your happily ever after a little sooner), here are some Mr. Not So Right's to steer clear of....

• The Player
  

We've all known him, a lot of us have dated him. He is charming and sexy. He dresses impeccably and can carry on a conversation better than any other man I've known. He will wine and dine you and when he takes you out dancing, he will actually dance...and dance well. No matter how busy the bar is, and how painfully aware you are of the fact that he has probably slept with 75% of the women in the room, he will still make you feel like you are the only one he sees. At that very moment, you are. Only what you don't realize is, that while he seems to be looking at you, what he really sees is the bull's eye painted on your panties. Once he makes his goal, he is out of there, leaving you behind to pick up your various articles of clothing and pieces of your broken heart. Finally, as you make your 5am walk of shame down his driveway ( as so many have before you) you will be wondering....just where the hell your underwear ended up?! Even after all this, part of you will still be hoping he calls again. Yes, he's that good.

• The Fixer-Upper

Ah, the troubled soul, the wounded man, the misunderstood. This guy is hard to pass up, but you're going to have to. I know how easy it is to fall for this guy ( believe me - I know!), not just because he makes us feel needed. What really gets us is the blinding potential. I say blinding because that is the effect it will have on you. From the moment you see his broken little heart and all the aching and breaking it has had to endure, all you will want to do is kiss it and make it better. Only you can't. What's worse, is that you will no longer be able to see all the things that make this seemingly Mr. Right a very Mr. Wrong. Anything he does, that may be hurtful or deceitful or otherwise uncaring and unlikeable, will magically be excusable. It's not his fault he's like this, after what he's been through....blah blah blah. Being in love with the Man he COULD be is going to get you nowhere but to Broken Hearts Ville...and fast. The sad truth is that he is a grown man, and the man he IS, is more than likely, the man he COULD BE. If he wanted to be better, or more ambitious, or happier...he would be, but he's not. So run...run fast, because you become who you hang out with and you don't want to be lousy, lazy and depressed!

• The Nice Guy
  

Now I know what you're thinking - what's wrong with the nice guy? Lots, starting with the fact that he doesn't exist. There are Jerks, who are really sweet when they know it's just the two of you. The Real guys, who are just straight forward and straight down the middle, not overly sweet and not overly obnoxious. Then there are Nice guys, who are actually Asses. This guy is SO romantic and SUCH a sweetheart that you think you've hit the jackpot! Yeah, well all that romance won't count for much when he's cheating on you or manipulating you, or finding otherwise underhanded ways to make you feel like less of yourself. Trust me on this, any guy who buys you flowers on a regular basis, is doing it for a reason....you may want to find out what it is. Or better yet, just shred the freaking things and leave the rose thorns buried in his bedding. It's probably the least he deserves.

• The Work-Aholic
  

Hey, I am all for ambition, but within reason. The right guy will value his job and his career, but not as much as he values you. When he can't show up for events in your life that are important to you, events that he has had time to plan for, he's more committed to his boss than to you. While his boss is signing his paycheck, he's not caring for him, supporting him emotionally, building a life with him and he better not be having SEX with him. If Mr. Works Too Much can't figure out which is more important to him and prioritize, you need to. Put yourself first, and move on.

• The Bros-Before-Hos Guy
  

This guy isn't always easy to spot. You want a guy who has friends and close relationships with his brothers or cousins,etc.. You don't want a guy who feels so loyal to his male people, that he shares your secrets, takes their side over yours or lets them influence serious issues in your relationship. This guy may have wonderful qualities that make your world go round, but when push comes to shove, he is more committed to the other sex than he is to you. With him, his priorities lie with the men in his life and you will always be an AFTERTHOUGHT. So, quit wasting your time THINKING ABOUT HIM and think about yourself and what makes you happy. It's not going to be him.

So, there you have it Ladies. Hope this list serves you well. Certainly wish I had had it while I was single and playing the dating game, torturous as it was. Rest assured, I have encountered every one of the 5 Mr. Wrongs, some of them multiple times. May you all learn from my mistakes....Good Luck and Happy Hunting!

Parents Are People Too

I have this theory that children who grow up with parents who remain together, see them differently than children who grow up with single parents, be it due to divorce or death, or whatever. Allow me to elaborate.

Children who grow up with their family intact tend to never see their parents as people. They are always Mom and Dad, and they are always viewed through rose colored glasses as individuals who are all knowing and can do no wrong. Don't get me wrong, as a child, I think that is the ideal way to view your parents, but as an adult, I'm not sure how realistic and healthy it is.

On the other hand, children who grow up with a single parent are more likely to see their parents as human beings, adults with needs and wants...and even faults. Here's why I think it's so different - single parents DATE.

When parents remain together all of their needs for companionship and romance, etc. are being met without the children really being aware of it. Mom and Dad are one unit, they take care of the kids as well as each other. I was raised by a single mom, and I remember being a teenager when she started dating again. I hated it. This guy she was seeing wasn't a part of our family and I wasn't prepared to make room for him in our lives. Eventually I realized that by fighting this battle against my mother's love life, I was denying her the same basic things I hoped to find in my own life as I grew up. Love, partnership, support, etc. and in order to see that she needed and wanted those things the same way I did, I had to see her not just as my mom , but as a woman.

As an adult I have enjoyed knowing my mother as a real person. It has allowed to me to build a relationship with her, not only as her daughter, but also as her friend.

In recent years these differences have become more and more clear to me, as my husband grew up in a happy home of two parents and 4 siblings. He sees his parents very differently than I do mine. For instance, he had a natural expectation that I would like his parents and be close to them. While I had certainly hoped for a good relationship with my In Laws, it has been somewhat of a challenge. Myself on the other hand, I had no such expectations. In general, I imagine most people get along with my mother, just because she is an easy going and open person. My step father however, is the opposite. He is a military man and he is not about to go soft on you, when it's so much easier to put the fear of GOD in you to insure that you are treating the people he cares about right. So, when my husband came along, I figured everyone would be polite, but I expected little beyond that. As luck would have it, he fit in quite well with everyone and has become rather close to both of my parents. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't elated, but had things turned out differently I would have been fine with that too. Because the bottom line is that my parents are just people and sometimes in spite of all the best intentions, people just don't like each other. And that's OK.

Getting to know your parents can be a real eye opener. In addition to all the positive qualities they may have, that you didn't see from the child's perspective, it can also allow you to let go of things that may have been holding you back. Parents do the best that they can in teaching their children and molding them into adults, but they're not perfect and they make mistakes. Something they taught you twenty years ago may no longer apply to your life today and recognizing that will allow you to let go of those beliefs that may be hurting you.

I'm not going to lie, at twenty-eight, I still think my Mom is Wonder Woman, but I base that not on my experience as her daughter, I base it on the woman I have known her to be and the things I've seen her accomplish in her life. Maybe you're worried that changing your perspective on your parents could take away from how you feel about them or how much you respect them...maybe it can, sometimes we don't like what we see when we take a closer look and you can't unsee what you've seen, but maybe it can become something even better and more honest than you could have possibly imagined. Getting to know your parent as a person also gives them an opportunity to get to know you as someone other than their child.
And what could be better than having the people who created you and molded you, see you in your truest and most beautiful form.