- The Player
We've all known him, a lot of us have dated him. He is charming and sexy. He dresses impeccably and can carry on a conversation better than any other man I've known. He will wine and dine you and when he takes you out dancing, he will actually dance...and dance well. No matter how busy the bar is, and how painfully aware you are of the fact that he has probably slept with 75% of the women in the room, he will still make you feel like you are the only one he sees. At that very moment, you are. Only what you don't realize is, that while he seems to be looking at you, what he really sees is the bull's eye painted on your panties. Once he makes his goal, he is out of there, leaving you behind to pick up your various articles of clothing and pieces of your broken heart. Finally, as you make your 5am walk of shame down his driveway ( as so many have before you) you will be wondering....just where the hell your underwear ended up?! Even after all this, part of you will still be hoping he calls again. Yes, he's that good.
- The Fixer-Upper
Ah, the troubled soul, the wounded man, the misunderstood. This guy is hard to pass up, but you're going to have to. I know how easy it is to fall for this guy ( believe me - I know!), not just because he makes us feel needed. What really gets us is the blinding potential. I say blinding because that is the effect it will have on you. From the moment you see his broken little heart and all the aching and breaking it has had to endure, all you will want to do is kiss it and make it better. Only you can't. What's worse, is that you will no longer be able to see all the things that make this seemingly Mr. Right a very Mr. Wrong. Anything he does, that may be hurtful or deceitful or otherwise uncaring and unlikeable, will magically be excusable. It's not his fault he's like this, after what he's been through....blah blah blah. Being in love with the Man he COULD be is going to get you nowhere but to Broken Hearts Ville...and fast. The sad truth is that he is a grown man, and the man he IS, is more than likely, the man he COULD BE. If he wanted to be better, or more ambitious, or happier...he would be, but he's not. So run...run fast, because you become who you hang out with and you don't want to be lousy, lazy and depressed!
- The Nice Guy
Now I know what you're thinking - what's wrong with the nice guy? Lots, starting with the fact that he doesn't exist. There are Jerks, who are really sweet when they know it's just the two of you. The Real guys, who are just straight forward and straight down the middle, not overly sweet and not overly obnoxious. Then there are Nice guys, who are actually Asses. This guy is SO romantic and SUCH a sweetheart that you think you've hit the jackpot! Yeah, well all that romance won't count for much when he's cheating on you or manipulating you, or finding otherwise underhanded ways to make you feel like less of yourself. Trust me on this, any guy who buys you flowers on a regular basis, is doing it for a reason....you may want to find out what it is. Or better yet, just shred the freaking things and leave the rose thorns buried in his bedding. It's probably the least he deserves.
- The Work-Aholic
Hey, I am all for ambition, but within reason. The right guy will value his job and his career, but not as much as he values you. When he can't show up for events in your life that are important to you, events that he has had time to plan for, he's more committed to his boss than to you. While his boss is signing his paycheck, he's not caring for him, supporting him emotionally, building a life with him and he better not be having SEX with him. If Mr. Works Too Much can't figure out which is more important to him and prioritize, you need to. Put yourself first, and move on.
- The Bros-Before-Hos Guy
This guy isn't always easy to spot. You want a guy who has friends and close relationships with his brothers or cousins,etc.. You don't want a guy who feels so loyal to his male people, that he shares your secrets, takes their side over yours or lets them influence serious issues in your relationship. This guy may have wonderful qualities that make your world go round, but when push comes to shove, he is more committed to the other sex than he is to you. With him, his priorities lie with the men in his life and you will always be an AFTERTHOUGHT. So, quit wasting your time THINKING ABOUT HIM and think about yourself and what makes you happy. It's not going to be him.
So, there you have it Ladies. Hope this list serves you well. Certainly wish I had had it while I was single and playing the dating game, torturous as it was. Rest assured, I have encountered every one of the 5 Mr. Wrongs, some of them multiple times. May you all learn from my mistakes....Good Luck and Happy Hunting!