Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Want To Have More SEX?

Men, are you feeling like certain aspects of your relationship have gotten neglected ever since that short bald person took over your lives? Well, I'm not surprised. I've heard that the first two years after a baby is born are the toughest on a marriage, and as my daughter's second birthday approaches, I am here to confirm that the rumor is true! Among several issues, the one most worth avoiding is the lack of sex. So, in order to help you men out a little, I have put together a list of things that may help you get a little more attention in the bedroom. Read it, and Good luck!

First things first, make sure we have plenty of time to shower! When we are in a hurry, we don't shave our legs, we let our hair air dry and you can forget about make up all together. And while I think it's wonderful that you find us irresistible even when we are wearing sweats and your old t-shirt with our hair in a bun and dried tooth paste on our chin, we feel barely human, let alone womanly. And sex is the LAST thing we are thinking about.

Second, YOU need to shower. There is a lot to be said about having a level of comfort in a marriage. It's nice not to always have to be at your best, but that doesn't mean that you no longer have to try AT ALL! We may still love you when you are all scruffy and smelly, but does it turn us on?! I'm going to go with NO. So, I don't care if it's Sunday and you've been bumming around the house all day, don't come by and give me a wink and a slap on the ass and expect me to follow you to the bedroom.

Third, if baby's bedtime is at eight don't lie around watching TV, playing video games, or cruising around on the internet until eleven. WE are tired! By the time you finally get to bed and think it's time to get your groove on, we are thinking about sleeping and at the point, quite frankly, it's simply not worth the effort. If your kid is anything like mine, they don't sleep through the night, and in my case, not even til midnight. So the later you wait, the smaller your window of opportunity gets. For multiple reasons.

Now, this does not mean that at 8:05 we want to see you standing there with your pants draped around your ankles. I'm sure you would agree that sex with you shouldn't be just one more thing we have to do, but with a proposal like that... well, how else are we supposed to feel. Instead, look around and see if there is anything left to do, like cleaning the kitchen, picking up toys, etc.. Once all of that is done, try some conversation. Be sure to talk TO us and not AT us. Ask us how our day was, show genuine interest. Hold us. Rub our shoulders, or our feet... whatever aches! Kiss us. We want to feel close to you, too. Just remember, Sex starts with the head... for both of us.

Last but not least consider this - Our world revolves around our children. It may seem romantic to say that your world revolves around us, but if it does, that means that we are NEVER in the same place.

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